December 30, 2025

Note: this is a personal reflection and will feature some light spoilers for Cyberpunk: Edgerunners.

Earlier this year, I watched Cyberpunk: Edgerunners for the first time. It really resonated with me. The themes of growing up, grief, human connection, and so much more wrapped up in a violent, unforgiving cyberpunk dystopia really hit close to home. A few months later, I had a bit of an entertainment void after finishing a few series and movies and scrolled through Netflix to try to find something new to start. As I did, I came across Cyberpunk: Edgerunners again. Never one to shy away from taking in Trigger’s beautiful animation, I hovered over it to see what teaser clip Netflix chose to advertise the show. And instead of seeing a fun clip of David and Lucy or the other Edgerunners, Netflix chose the solemn scene of David walking home after collecting his mother’s ashes. This scene fascinated and engrossed me upon my first watch, as it’s such a heartbreaking moment that’s twisted to being truly disturbing by having near constant messages and ads play throughout the entire scene. Even in this scene of mourning, David couldn’t escape the bombardment of adds, messages about finances, and more noise on a simple walk outside. 

Netflix’s choice to show this scene as a ‘highlight’ intrigues and nearly disgusts me. In a twisted way, showcasing this scene, in this way, is a perfect example of how companies in David’s world act: constantly bombarding people with information without their consent. It’s satirizing itself. But on the other hand, it gave me pause because a scene like this would be enough to at least pique my interest and click to watch more. This moment stuck with me.

A few weeks ago, I graduated from college. Though I don’t necessarily want my blog to serve as a diary or anything like that, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on this and really wanted to put those thoughts to writing. If nothing else, it’ll be a nice keepsake to have in the future to see what my mindset was and how my self-expression changes over time.

Truthfully, this has taken me a few weeks to write. Initially my thoughts were a lot more linear, and largely focused on some struggles I had early in college and how I was able to break away from those issues and really grow later on. However, reading this back I didn’t feel like that really captured my mindset properly. I am happy to be graduated, and though I did struggle and I feel proud of the progress I’ve made, very little of my mind lingers on those early days now.

As the graduation ceremony is a few weeks behind us and my holiday plans with my family and friends are soon to be memories too, I feel like a lot of my thoughts fall into two camps: contentedness or dread. Truly, a large part of me feels really content that college is over. It feels good to have this milestone achieved and that hard work behind me. It feels good that a lot of the knowledge, experiences, and connections I truly wanted throughout my college career I now have. And it feels good that I can move on and spend time doing other things.

But at the same time, I’ve been feeling really anxious about all this. It feels weird to lose the structure of school and it feels even weirder to technically be in the ‘professional career’ portion of my life. But both of those feelings are overshadowed by a dread that feels somewhat reminiscent of how I felt as a little freshmen starting my college journey.

This isn’t a dread of the unknown like before, though. Rather, it’s a sinking feeling that I know the direction that the world is heading. I may be outwardly positive, but I tend to be pretty pessimistic. And there are a lot of concerns I have, most of which are global issues that seem so insurmountable that I can’t fathom how I can do anything to change them. Not the least of these concerns being an overwhelming feeling of inauthenticity.

Something I’ve really learned to value and appreciate is earnestness. I think of a lot of the people I love and pieces of art I adore and I feel like a sense of earnestness is a commonality between them all. Something nice about college is that, for the most part, a lot of students are earnestly working towards their degree and earnestly work to understand what they study (and hopefully enjoy it). I feel like I was in this bubble of people earnestly working or dreaming or creating and it drove me to strive even harder to achieve my dreams.

Why does this really matter, though, as I reflect on graduating? Well, to be honest, I think my biggest concern is that a lot of the world feels really inauthentic and hopeless, which is a sharp contrast to that earnest determination I was insulated by. And it feels… weird. This isn’t to say that I’m being bogged down by disinterest, or that I love my people or interests any less, or that I’m any less interested in achieving what I want to achieve. But it’s more to say that, for the first time ever, I have the ability to simply drift by, in a world where drifting by seems less like a path people fall into and more like the default. It feels like technology, ads, and the general state of affairs is interested in upholding a never-ending status quo, and it feels like more folks than ever simply follow that.

This isn’t really me trying to talk down about those people or completely rage at the world; rather, it’s me saying I completely understand the want to drift because I’ve been there at one point, and that at a certain level, I wish that everyone shared some sort of earnest desire to connect, or hope, or dream. I preluded this post with that anecdote about Cyberpunk because it really feels like a microcosm of all these feelings. David is hit with unimaginable grief and pain and starts to leave that as he truly connects with others and feels hope for goals he’s striving for (I’m ignoring the body modification stuff for a moment, of course). And yet, even this piece of art that I love and connected with could just be another person’s ad or annoyance, another cog in a machine of content and complacency.

I think my tone may come off as slightly moodier than I intend it to, but truthfully a lot of these thoughts have been weighing on me. I know, though, that thoughts and feelings like this aren’t necessarily uncommon for graduates. And I’ve been told by many that it’ll be alright, and that I’ll have it more figured out soon and worry less. I believe them, but it’s still a lot to process, I suppose.

Anyways, for what it’s worth, I’ve graduated. My last semester went smoothly and I feel like I learned a thing or two. Maybe I’ll go back to learn more, or maybe I’ll focus on working and turning little creative dreams into projects first. Regardless, I truly appreciate your support by reading this and anything else on the blog. A lot of this stuff I just write to explore my thoughts or things I’m passionate about and I’m grateful for the audience I have.

I’m really excited to roll out a few articles in early 2026 about my favorite media of 2025, and I have a few more ideas on the docket that I hope to flesh out and post soon! In the meantime, Happy New Year, happy holidays, and I’ll talk to you more soon!

-Wes